DEVOTIONAL: DEVASTATED BUT NOT DESTROYED

DEVOTIONAL: DEVASTATED BUT NOT DESTROYED

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

I've typed and deleted the intro to this blog post at least 6 times. I don't know how to start it.

I'm diving into a part of my life that I haven't quite shared on here. It's nothing overly personal or dramatic, but it's an area where I don't have a lot of confidence therefore I hesitate sharing my thoughts on it.

We all go through difficult seasons of life. Sometimes its with yourself, sometimes with others, and sometimes just because of life itself.

Last year I had a plethora of self-consciousness, frustrations, sadness, confusion - and everything else that you can imagine. Hormones? Maybe. Results of becoming a first time Mom? Yes. Full plate? Absolutely. But above all of that lacking the most important thing, self love.

Take all of those elements and then insert life changing news. At the close of 2018 I found myself wondering how I would even begin picking up the pieces.

In the middle of 2018, amidst my raging hormones and over-analyzing thoughts, I decided to crack open a devotional: Embraced - 100 Devotions to Know God is Holding You Close. As I began to read it I found similarity in the experiences, and comfort in the scripture. First devotional in, and I was sitting in a puddle of my own tears trying to figure out who I was, and how I got here.

Fast forward to 2019 and the anxiety that comes along with it, and that's why I am here today. I didn't set any crazy goals for 2019; didn't write anything down or make myself any promises. But as the new year started positivity and understanding weighed on my heart. That is what I want 2019 to be.

I hope for understanding and positivity to flow through my life like never before.

So with all of that being said, I decided that each week I will share the devotional that helped me through the previous week. We all have things that weigh heavy on us. Sometimes its frustration, sometimes its devastating news, sometimes its comparison, and the list goes on.

I can't tell you that each week I am going to share a devotional that will change your life. Heck, I don't even know that each week I will read a devotional that will change my life. But I can promise that I will be open, honest and raw about the challenges each week brought, and which devotional I leaned on to get me through it.

Last week I needed help understanding that its okay to feel hurt and devastated. I needed help freeing my mind of a heavy situation, and continuing to have faith and believe that in the end God will fix this.

I skimmed the index waiting for a title to grab my attention. There were two: Pressing through the Pain, and Devastated but not Destroyed. Devastated but not Destroyed gave me the words that I needed to hear and its the one I want to share today.

One part of the devotional talked about the girl sitting in a mall after receiving devastating news, and seeing friends across the way just chatting and having a great time. Overhearing their words about something that to her seemed minimal, and in turn (because she was hurt), she whispered "I wish my biggest issue was purple tights".

Do you ever do that? See or hear someone else's problem and think, that's nothing - I wish that is what was going on in my life right now. Yep, guilty. And honestly, how awful is that? Passing judgement on someone because they aren't having (but do we really know?) as bad of a day as you are? It's crazy that we do that.

But that's not the part of the devotion that really got me though. Yes it confirmed that we all have hard days and we judge others when they aren't having a hard day (or so we assume). But what resonated with me was later.

The point where she started to talk about how the battle isn't ours, and that it belongs to the Lord (AMEN). How many of us take on an issue and try to fix it? Not before completely letting it take over our lives though? Again, guilty. Why do we do this? I can tell you why I have done it. Because I didn't completely trust. If this issue was given to us, why isn't it ours to fix? If we weren't supposed to fix it, why was it brought into our lives anyway?

I believe that its brought to us to teach us a lesson. That lesson being that we need to know who is in charge, and trust.

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). 

Another part that really struck a chord with me was this: "The battle might not be easy or short-lived, but victory will be there for those who trust in God".

It says it right there. Victory will be there for those who trust in God. This challenge, this lesson, this hardship is brought to us so that we learn to give faith and trust in the one that can fight the battle. That is NOT us you guys, it's not. Free yourself from feeling like you need to figure it all out. Free yourself from wondering "why", and trust that God has the answer, and He will heal.

That's what I'm tucking away deep in my heart.

I know that He will heal, and that in the end I will look back and know that this hardship, this diagnosis, this extremely difficult time in my life was brought on to bring me closer to Him. I strayed. I made excuses. I focused my attention on the things that were not important. And all of this in my life right now is bringing me back to exactly where I need to be.

Like Lysa said, "God is good at being God. Let Him be God. Free yourself from this impossible assignment".

I know for some of you this is probably completely left field. I have never talked faith on here. I haven't. But this is where I'm at. This is my heart, and I felt the need to share.

My brothers diagnosis has weighed so heavy on my entire families hearts. We're scared, we're sad and we're unsure of what the future holds. But I can tell you that after reading that devotional multiple times last week, it freed my heart a little bit.

It gave me hope and understanding for my life in this exact moment.

I'm not sure what you have in your life right now, but I hope that my transparency offers something that you can hold onto.

If you're lost or scared or frustrated, do exactly what I did last year. Order a devotional off Amazon and see where it takes you. I promise you won't close it feeling the same way you did when you so desperately opened it for a glimmer of hope.

And I hope that me getting passionate and personal on here doesn't scare any of you away.

Next week might not be so deep. Or maybe it will. I'll take you where my heart takes me.

Until next time.